Rosemary's entry:
Ladies, it has fallen to me to welcome Mrs Audrey Prendergast into her new role of president of the Women’s Institute here in Southingam. I am, of course, disappointed that you haven’t seen fit to elect me as your leader, however I’m sure our secret ballot was without flaw. After all, Mrs Prendergast did need some consolation for her sunflower only growing to a meagre fifty-eight inches, when the winning entry from my allotment reached one hundred and thirty-eight inches, as you will well remember.
It’s good to see that you don’t hold a sunken cake against someone for too long and that the infamous ‘blueberry jelly incident’ has at last been put behind us. Mrs Prendergast is now in the fortunate position, for us all, of being able to nominate who will be in charge of providing sustenance to us, after meetings, in the coming months, rather than being part of that team.
It does strike me as fortunate that we had already chosen not to issue our own calendar, given that weight watchers meet on the same night as we do and Mrs Prendergast has so magnanimously decided to grace us with her overflowing presence.
I believe Mrs Prendergast has already talked to a number of her friends about providing talks for us in the coming months and I am sure we will all look forward to hearing about such varied and challenging topics as ‘the life and times of a nit nurse,’ ‘the uses of pig slurry,’ and ‘sewage through the ages.’
I think this promises to be a rewarding year. I see that she has had her hair coloured specially for the occasion and I would simply ask you to raise your glasses in a toast to our very own Marge Simpson, Mrs Audrey Prendergast.
Geoff's entry:
Ladies and Gentlemen. We live in a democracy, and I respect your rights to elect whomsoever you choose.
You have re-elected Cynthia Warbles: she has gained your votes and I am sure she will do her best in maintaining the standards that (pause) we have come to expect from her. I am, of course, disappointed in failing to be elected, especially in view of my plans to regenerate our town into a place of which we could all be proud, and could then become ranked as one of the most forward thinking towns in the country.
Nevertheless, it seems that a majority are contented with the way things are, that we don’t need a new school, that we don’t need a new wing on the hospital, that our playing fields are more than adequate and that we don’t need a reasonably sized hall to host events. That majority are apparently happy that we can close and sell our town centre swimming pool site to Tesco and build a new one three miles away, in the meantime bussing our schoolchildren to a private pool 9 miles away for four years until the new one is ready (pause) if it is ever built.
I believe you have failed to see the danger of standing still, but I will make sure that you all have the opportunity to share my vision on a number of future occasions. (long pause)
But it has been your choice: You have placed your trust in my opponent You have chosen Cynthia Warbles, and I congratulate her.
Christine's entry:
The defeated candidate’s speech
“My friends, I share your incredulity that our policies to put our ailing society on an even keel and steer the planet away from disaster have failed to gain the majority vote.
“Let me remind you of Henrik Ibsen’s famous words:
“‘The minority is always right.’
“How true that sounds. Our policies are right, and we’re in a minority. It is the inescapable fate of the discerning few.
“How many sinners are there for every saint? How many fools for every genius? If sinners and fools make up the majority, what hopes are there for the democracy we so fervently want to believe in?
“Is it not true that the problems of our country and indeed of the planet are too complex for the majority of people to understand?
“Our policies tackle the underlying causes in a no-nonsense way. Some sacrifices are necessary to recover and move steadfastly towards a better world.
“But voters are too easily seduced by fatuous promises. Is the majority therefore ignorant… and wrong?
“‘The minority is always right,’ claims Ibsen.
“It seems so true… yet it rankles.
“It’s an outright denial of democracy – the arrogant expression of a Machiavellian super-ego. “It would justify the foul play of fascists and lunatics.
“What Ibsen overlooked is the fact that minorities, like Janus, are two-faced. They’re situated at either end of the graph, separated by the hump of the ordinary majority. Staring backwards are minorities made up of misfits, fanatics and other creepy monsters. Looking ahead are the minorities who strive to make this world a better place to live.
“‘The minority is always right,’ they clamour.
“We’re in bad company, but is there a remedy?
“We must convince the majority. Our policies are right. Our truth will win the next election.
“We’ll no longer be a minority.”
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