Hello everyone,

General:
I’m actually starting writing this on New Year’s Day – having just read a lot of emails. If you'd asked me to guess what caused an immediate interchange of emails for Alpha, I have to say that I would never have guessed that it would be how to refer to the year, or the decade. Sadly, when I was young, talking about nineteen-ten was only more or less in the immediate past, and I have never thought that anyone would ever have considered anything other than twenty-ten. So what will the next hot topic be for those of us who like words?

New Year Resolutions:
I wonder if any of you have made New Year Resolutions – and if you did make any, are they still holding up? I made a Resolution on January 1st, 2000. Being the beginning of the Millennium, I planned to walk 10,000 miles in 10 years: I later adjusted this to 1,000 miles each year for 10 consecutive years, and I have achieved it. I recorded the walking I have done, so that I know every day’s walking over those 10 years. A walk has to be greater than 1 mile to count, and of course, round the house, gardening, going shopping – anything like that – doesn’t count. I use a pedometer for some of the journeys, but supplement this with a time check and map measuring if I’m in doubt, but I know some of them anyway. I’ve made a new resolution this year – not to make any more damn silly plans like that again.

Apologies:
You will have noticed that some of my emails have had extra letters in places. I have a different PC, and it seems to have a keyboard which is independent-minded. It is highly sensitive to touch – even the slightest brush is liable to produce a character, and sometimes it seems that a simple vibration will affect it in that way. I don’t always check thoroughly what I’ve written, but I will try to do better.

Membership:
Just to let you know that I’ve had an enquiry about membership from Australia. It may result in a new member (we have 17 members at the moment, and our agreed limit is 18). The person would be ‘coasting’ for the remainder of the season, anyway.

Challenges:
You’ve all seen the marks for Challenge 3, and having studied these, I have translated them into points towards the annual honour.

Celia gets 3 points for her very good page, with Margie 2 points and a *, Clare and Christine 2 points each, and Sally 1 point. All entrants (the 5 mentioned above and Rosemary, David, Geoff, Betty, Olaf, John, Sue, Chris and Zena) get 1 point for entering.

The running totals for the leaders become:
Celia 9 points
Clare 8 points and *
Christine 8 points
Sally 7 points
Geoff 6 points,
Rosemary 4 points and *
Zena 4 points

Christmas Quiz:
I hope you all enjoyed tangling with my Christmas Quiz, even if you didn’t get very far. I made a couple of errors – which Chris picked up – in 3 and 18. But Chris managed 19 of the 20 – one or two of his answers varied from the original statements, but quite acceptably. The one that defeated him was No. 20 – but his effort nearly got him there. Zena got 16, with a couple a bit wide of the mark, and Christine was the only other entry I received, but a bit further behind. But that was a magnificent effort Chris, and you fully deserve your bonus point, and a *. Zean, not far behind will also get a point (but no *), and Christine deserves a *.

The full list of answers is below

Sayings
1. i before e except after c.
2. There’s many a slip between cup and lip.

Proverbs
3. Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face.
4. People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

Poetry first lines
5. Drake he’s in his hammock an’ a thousand mile away
6. Fear no more the heat o’ the sun

Quotations
7. A coquette is a woman who arouses the passions she has no intention of satisfying.
8. Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.

My own philosophies
9. There’s no such thing as the whole truth: there are only facts, and speculative interpretations of them.
10. If it wasn’t for the fools, the rest of us couldn’t be considered clever.

Hotel Instructions
11. (from Japan) You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
12. (from Nairobi) Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.
13. (from Madrid) Our wine list leaves you nothing to hope for.
14. (from Italy) Hot and cold water running up and down the stairs.
15. (from Zurich) We have nice bath and are very good in bed.
16 (from Las Palmas) If you telephone for room service, you will get the answer you deserve.
17. (from Moscow) If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
18. (from Tel Aviv) If you wish breakfast, lift the telephone and our waitress will arrive. This will be enough to bring up your food.
19. (from Germany) A hotel should be a home from home. But then again, it’s at home where most deaths occur.
20. (from Poland) As for the tripe served at the Hotel Bristol, you will be singing its praises to your grandchildren on your deathbed.

I could have included either of the following
(from Ankara) You are invite to visit our restaurant where you can eat the Middle East Foods in a European ambulance.
(from Ferry terminal on Phillipines) Adults $1US: Child 50cents: Cadavers subject to negotiation.

Most of all I liked this one, but I thought it would prove too difficult, even for Chris.
(from a Soviet Ship on the Black Sea) Helpsavering apparata in emergens behold many whistles! Associate the stringing apparata about the bosoms and meet behind. Flee then to the indifferent lifesavering shippen obediencing the instructs of the vessel chef.

Books:
I’ve just finished reading ‘The Novel’ by James Mitchener. I’ve had it on my shelves for quite a while, and I usually take 2 paperbacks when I go away. This always seems to be the one I didn’t read. I don’t usually like writing about writing for fiction. Anyway, the opening didn’t appeal to me.

However, I found the book thoroughly enjoyable: particularly so because it gives a great insight into the roles of a publisher’s editor and a critic – at least in the U.S. Has anyone else read it?

Mentioning books – David is anxious to get everyone’s opinions on the best reads of 2009. Those who haven’t told him should let him know as soon as possible. I’m going to do that – I’d forgotten, too!

Flesch Kincaid and other Statistics:
Since Dianne raised the spectre of the Flesch Kincaid index, I have subjected 6 of my stories to the statistical analysis permitted by Word.

Story	Words	Paras	Sentences	Sent/Para	Words/sent	Flesch-K
1	1,236	36	88	2.5	13.9	6.5
2	2,973	70	225	3.3	13.1	6.7
3	1,689	60	163	2.8	4.2	4.4
4	1,559	62	149	2.6	10.2	3.7
5	4,937	191	375	2.1	12.9	6.6
6	3,697	112	217	2.1	17.0	8.4

The following are the stories mentioned above. I’ve added notes to show the standard that is associated with them.

1.Personal Luggage in Advance. Members may remember this as my first attempt at Story-writing, which won second prize in a regional competition. So it must be of a reasonable standard.-
2.The Way the Cookie Crumbles. This was judged by the formal method of allocating marks for various attributes and aggregating them. It would have been in the final pool of 10 stories (from about 100 - keen writers only) had the judge added the marks properly.
3.A Holiday to Forget. Mentioned as a Runner-up in a Writing Magazine competition.
4.Last passenger on the Bus. Written only because I wanted to write it, and it has never been tested by entering it anywhere. I like it, though, and it represented my feelings at the time.
5.Debt of Gratitude. Written as a tribute to all those who worked with me on the Ferranti computer in the early 1950s. Subconsciously, I suppose, I knew that the readership was always gong to be primarily academic.
6.Corrugated Cardboard. Written as a simple challenge to myself: can you write a short story to the most boring title you can think of? I’ve no idea if it’s good or not: it’s inventive, but I don’t tink the writing’s particularly good, and I think it tails off at the end.

The odd one out is clearly Story 3: this was deliberately written with short sentences, because that reflected the mood of the story. It was mostly quick thinking and action, and ponderous sentenecs were cleaarly out.

Both the Flesch Index and the Flesch-Kincaid Index seem to be used for educational purposes. I think teachers use them to assess comprehension.

Competitions:
I have received a notice which came by post

--------------------------------------------------------

Riptide wants stories that appeal to children (12+) as well as adults.

Maximum 5,000 words. Ist Prize £1,000.m Closing date 15 April

Winner and 9 runners-up to be published in Riptide Vol 6.

All those published will receive 2 copies of the anthology.

Entry is by post. No entry form needed. Entry fee £6, or £10.50 if you want a copy of a past Riptide anthology. Winners announced in Autumn.

If you want any more details, I’ll send them to you.

-----------------------------------------

and one which came by email

Please find below details of Sitcom Saturday for which writers everywhere are welcome to r scripts as long as they are able to liaise with allocated directors during April/May/June 2010 and be present for the public rehearsed reading on Saturday, June 12th 2010 in London, England.

RealDeal Theatre's next Sitcom Saturday will be held on June 12 2010 at Westminster Reference Library, 35 St. Martin's Street, London WC2H 7HP

The window for submissions will during the month of March 2010. Entries should be emailed to scripts@realdealtheatre.org.uk  between Monday, March 1 and Wednesday, March 31 2010 only. No entries will be accepted outside these dates.

RealDeal Theatre is looking for six fifteen-minute sitcoms for Sitcom Saturday, a professionally-directed and acted script-in-hand rehearsed reading, open to the public, at Westminster Reference Library off Leicester Square, London. We allocate a director for each of the selected scripts and the directors then liaise with the writer(s) before a casting session, rehearsal and the performance on Saturday, June 12 2010. Entries are welcome from anywhere as long as the writers can liaise with the directors beforehand and writers must also attend the June public rehearsed reading in London.

If you require further information, please email info@realdealtheatre.org.uk but please see the rules for Sitcom Saturday submissions on the events page http://realdealtheatre.webs.com/events.htm

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

It occurred to me that one or two of the scripts we have just been judging for Challenge 4 might have something worth developing.

That’s enough for this time.

Best wishes all

- Olaf